Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless
I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.
I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing
when I want with my old buddies, and don't you
give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said:
"No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex
here at seven o'clockevery night...whether you're here or not."
(DARN SHE'S GOOD!)
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Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!
The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!"
"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last'!"
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
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Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no
good in bed either," and storms out of the house.
After some time he realizes he was nasty and
decides to make amends and rings her up.
She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answer to the phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!"
(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)
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Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.
He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his
wife," Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it IS time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well... He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home Mother of Six?"
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion,
shouts right back, "Any time you're ready, Father of Four."
(RIGHT ON, LADY!)
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THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife
to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it
was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
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God may have created man before woman, but there
is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
Send this to smart women who need a laugh and to men you think can handle it.
KUCHING is the capital of Sarawak, one of the states (the other being SABAH) in East Malaysia.The river (in the picture) runs through the city, separating the Commercial Areas from the Government Administrative Centre/Kampong.
Top to Bottom 1.Sampan 2.Fort Margaret n New Legislative Building3. Kuching Golden Triangle
The Sampan or rowing boat is a mean of transport for crossing the river; i.e. between the kampong (Malay village) and the main city centre which we called Kuching Golden Triangle. All the 5 star hotels are in the golden triangle. Further up or further down, two 4 lanes bridges are provided for vehicles crossing. If you watch closely, there are adverts on top of the Sampan roof. In return, the sampan owner will get free maintenance such as new boat paints and safety accessories (life jackets etc). Nowadays, thae sampan is mainly powered by 2 stroke engine (modified). The paddles are only used when nearing the pontoon. On the city side there is this beautiful promenade and walkway (by the riverside) for leasurely stroll.
Hope you've had a good laugh & don't require one of the above to represent you!!
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After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?'
'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'
* * * * * * * * * * *
'Why do you do that, mummy?' he asked.
'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
'What's the matter?' asked Little Johnny. 'Giving up?'
* * * * * * * * * * *
Little Johnny quickly replied, 'TV 1, TV 2 and MARTIN YAN CHINA!
* * * * * * * * * * *
'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him.'
Little Johnny asked, 'Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture...?'
* * * * * * * * * * *
His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.'
Johnny, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the Telecom guy wants to buy Mum.'
* * * * * * * * * *